tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79397592011-10-03T14:35:55.991-04:00Where failed writing comes to die.Jacknoreply@blogger.comBlogger3701100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-23617533243240444792011-02-02T09:38:00.002-05:002011-02-02T09:38:38.411-05:00

An Apology From Dragon NaturallySpeaking for the Whole ExplosivesSafety Manual Dictation SnafuHey Ted, how are ya, man? You look great! I mean, from what I can seeof you, anyway, all the uncovered stuff looks great! Leg, chest, a fewfingers poking through the gauze here and there—but nothing majorthough, right? Right! Let’s stay positive!Which is exactly what we should be doing: Staying positive.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-66507252869845563462011-01-13T09:54:00.001-05:002011-01-13T09:54:57.887-05:00

John Schnatter, Founder of Papa John’s Pizza, Debriefs Navy S.E.A.L. Team Six After a Failed Delivery Attempt to the Federally Administered Tribal Areas of Northwest PakistanFirst of all, gentlemen, great effort out there tonight. I really cannot state that enough. Team leader [redacted]? Six distinct cheeses were deployed in record time. Damn, man. That’s exemplary. Usually takes my guys a good

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-58253292099055127912011-01-04T16:31:00.001-05:002011-01-04T16:32:44.036-05:00

I'd be remiss if I didn't rub it in everyone's faces that I was indeed approved and accepted by McSweeney's before Christmas.THE WORD DUDE REFLECTS ON ITS STEADY DECLINE FROM KEEPING COMPANY WITH RAKISH 19TH CENTURY DANDIES TO ITS DEMEANING MODERN DAY ROLE AS FILLER FOR LIGHT BEER COMMERCIALS.Made my month. Bucket list item, checked.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-21736172742291229702011-01-04T16:16:00.004-05:002011-01-04T16:27:01.094-05:00

I'm currently batting .333 at McSweeney's. Not too bad. An Open Letter to Dannon Activa Yogurt Regarding Its Recent $21 Million Fine for Deceptive Marketing Practices, Especially as It Relates to My ColonDear Dannon Activa Yogurt,What the shit, man?! Is nothing sacred anymore?And by that I mean my blocked, sacrosanct bowels, which I now know will remain gummed up and useless for the indefinite

Jacknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-76117501142961535112010-11-30T10:56:00.004-05:002010-11-30T10:59:11.123-05:00

This wasn't rejected. It was actually accepted at a now defunct short fiction site. Anyway:Second Skin“Who do imagine I am when we make love?”The question was hardly a surprise. In simpler times it meant a looming divorce, but not today. Not in an age where fantasy became reality at the touch of a button. Or a thought.“You don’t answer. What’s wrong?”No one was themselves anymore. It was ironic,

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-7402120312342246352010-10-04T17:15:00.001-04:002010-10-04T17:16:10.002-04:00

An Open Letter to the Hand Towel That I Clean Up with After MasturbatingMy tainted terrycloth companion, As I sat down today to pen this letter to you, the nanny of my nether region, I was chagrined to learn that I could not remember last we spoke. My frayed, crusty friend, please forgive me! And I do hope you will forgive me, my trusty towel, for the gratitude is genuine; my words true, erect

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-64687335853164485092008-03-07T16:16:00.002-05:002008-03-07T16:18:06.692-05:00

No words... to ... describe. Plus, the "reviews" do enough of that on their own.[Playmobil Security Checkpoint at Amazon.com]

Jacknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-64287824974358260032008-03-03T13:28:00.004-05:002008-03-03T13:36:34.165-05:00

It's been about 18 months since my favorite console of the moment, the Wii, was released, and now that I'm writing professionally about the video games industry I thought it would be cool to visit one of my older posts from another blog about the little white box that still sits proudly next to my TV.First Impressions: The WaitingIt’s dark. My alarm is going off, and I can hear my cell phone

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-14486833286634940432008-02-29T09:44:00.001-05:002008-02-29T09:46:35.169-05:00

Funny because it's true.[Boing Boing]

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-21779369214764283292008-02-29T08:34:00.001-05:002008-02-29T08:39:09.976-05:00

Freaky. Funny? Certainly no dramatic chipmunk however.[Link from digiphile]

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-44952180817766009632008-02-16T23:33:00.003-05:002010-10-12T11:56:55.594-04:00

An oldie but goodie from 2007:Few movies can end with the hopeful laughter of children and still leave you feeling as empty and unsure of humanity as Children of Men. After viewing this film, I believe that’s exactly the point.Starring Clive Barker as a seemingly uncaring and distant Theodore, and masterfully directed by Alfonso Cuaron, this movie depicts a near apocalyptic future using a kind of

Jacknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-69576358476493186312008-01-28T16:49:00.000-05:002008-01-28T16:50:39.641-05:00

The world makes sense again.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-20493299674581832932008-01-28T16:26:00.000-05:002008-01-28T16:32:37.260-05:00

I'm certainly now expert on film (sweater vests, well, that's another story), but I'm 100% behind the new "indie" flick Juno.The dialogue is hip, snappy and walks a fine line between perfection and overkill, but for the most part it stays on track and had even my stone cold heart a bit misty by the end.The woman to my right, however, was wracked with sobs and secured many a handkerchief from

Jacknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-36379042740155523912008-01-25T15:57:00.000-05:002008-01-25T16:10:37.890-05:00

No sooner had I started my new job in December than the office was positively overrun with sweater vests. The culprit?Obviously, if you know me at all (which you don't), the offending party was me.I think more 20-somethings should wear sweater vests. They keep the core warm and let the arms breathe. They are old fashioned, yes, but like many trends they have come full circle and I declare them

Jacknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-16360117423046099692007-03-20T11:06:00.000-04:002007-03-20T11:21:37.122-04:00

The Onion is doing a recap of all their best Iraq War stories in "celebration" of the four year anniversary of winning the war, so I thought I'd do the same here.Iraq officially runs out of peopleBAGHDAD, Iraq – A landmark moment was reached in President George W. Bush's self-proclaimed war on terror today as the last of Iraq's citizens were killed in a suicide blast outside of the capital

Jacknoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-76571600465532232422007-03-13T09:29:00.000-04:002007-03-13T09:31:18.640-04:00

K-cups. The cause of, and solution to, all of life's office-related problems.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-23266979261870812282007-03-07T08:54:00.000-05:002007-03-07T08:57:03.527-05:00

This event has been explained and re-explained to me several times over now, and I still only understand like 25% of it. Not shown: Peelander and Pablo Plantain.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-29661290912884838082007-02-28T13:25:00.000-05:002007-02-28T13:27:51.923-05:00

New to Golden Nuggets? Get thee to the urban dictionary. Then rock this rendition of Willy Wonka:Willy Wonka and the Golden NuggetBy JBL I never thought my life could beAnything but missionaryBut suddenly I begin to seeSome golden goodness made just for me'Cause I've want a golden nuggetI want some golden tinkle in my mouth I never had a chance in timeTo mix sex with my behindBut suddenly it’s

Jacknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-19726496811422748032007-02-28T09:56:00.001-05:002007-02-28T09:56:45.744-05:00

We need this for the office.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-71437250638163364332007-02-27T08:10:00.000-05:002007-02-27T08:13:02.327-05:00

KABUL, Afghanistan – A suicide bomber killed at least 14 people and wounded a dozen more outside the main U.S. military base in Afghanistan on Tuesday during a visit by Vice President Dick Cheney, officials said. The Taliban claimed responsibility and said Cheney was the target, but U.S. officials claimed the vice president was never in any real danger.“The vice president was able to deftly dodge

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-88632701660777698022007-02-23T16:25:00.000-05:002007-02-23T16:28:57.512-05:00

From the venerable Slashdot:"Robert Heinlein once said that the committee was the only life form in the universe with three or more bellies and no brain. MSNBC reports that his statement may have some statistical truth to it. Researchers are finding that meetings are actually bad places to be creative. You're not actually 'dumber' when you're in the meeting, just more likely to lose your creative

Jacknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-43451901047625167822007-02-20T11:25:00.000-05:002007-02-20T11:26:42.258-05:00

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-48178742568468437262007-02-19T13:30:00.000-05:002007-02-19T13:32:37.488-05:00

Slate is doing a Magnum photography feature on "flirting" today. This one reminded me of a recent office outing where my credit card was stolen. That last part had nothing to do with flirting.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-69172627829257863972007-02-16T10:31:00.001-05:002007-02-16T10:36:20.738-05:00

Fitting.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-53009614706995816552007-02-13T12:34:00.000-05:002007-02-12T16:26:24.746-05:00

This be for suckers, but I love Sam Adams so consider me one too.Boston Beer Co. unveiled a special glass today so customers can savor its Samuel Adams brand beer.Wine lovers have long used crystal stemware to help experience the exquisite nose of a French merlot or a frisky Australian vin ordinair, and now the Boston brewer thinks beer connoisseurs have achieved a similar level of discernment

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-91982779502774127872007-02-12T16:22:00.000-05:002007-02-12T10:37:19.755-05:00

Hello,I hope that you had a restful weekend. I just wanted to pass along the latest news from [blank].Actually, I didn't sleep well at all. Thanks for rubbing it in, you heartless flak. This goes right up there with "I hope this email finds you well."

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-18189479208760420362007-02-12T04:33:00.000-05:002007-02-12T10:36:17.223-05:00

I'm sure this little venture will solve everyone's DUI-related ills.The message against drinking and driving will begin once the urinal senses it has a visitor with its proximity device. (However, it cannot tell if a restroom user is actually drunk.)Anti-drunk driving messages include: "Hey, you! Yeah, you! Having a few drinks? Then, listen up! Think you've had one too many? Maybe it's time to

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-18432280030049201962007-02-10T02:22:00.000-05:002007-02-10T22:36:52.263-05:00

A good find all around.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-88152625781093019022007-02-08T03:01:00.000-05:002007-02-07T15:10:55.188-05:00

The office prank. Sibling to the college dorm room prank and the distant relative to the elusive bar room joke.Reactions to these kinds of things can run the gamut, can't they? People who seem level headed and sane might just snap and go postal on everyone in the office because an office prank (like, say, covering an entire desk and everything on it in tin foil) diminishes their productivity.A

Jacknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-60179851952468538622007-02-06T09:21:00.000-05:002007-02-06T09:23:54.594-05:00

A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll you have?" The skeleton says, "A beer and a mop."Bar jokes. Barking mad fun.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-73402237267590721462007-02-05T08:34:00.000-05:002007-02-05T08:49:58.660-05:00

Saturday's screening of The Messengers was, in all fairness, a trip to the zoo.Twelve-year-olds whooped and hollered throughout the movie; teenagers incessantly texted one another from across the theater; and no fewer than a dozen of America's best and brightest were ejected from the theater for being utterly useless contributions to humanity*. A laser pointer even made its way from the bowels of

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-60605386737402086172007-02-02T14:23:00.000-05:002007-02-02T14:25:01.504-05:00

For fuck's sake, read!80 percent of U.S. families did not buy or read a book last year. Ridiculous.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-83299198537774963412007-02-01T13:28:00.000-05:002007-02-01T13:37:05.794-05:00

Can't claim credit for this gem (to the tune of Justin Timberlake's Sexy Back):Wilford Back lyrics:Verse 1I’m bringing Wilford back (yeah)Quaker oats don’t know how to actThem oats are so special in their sackEat them up to get your health right backTake ‘em to the bridgeBridgeDiabetusYou see these needlesBaby, right in my thighsSee these wrinkles if you misbehaveIt’s just that sugar makes me

Jacknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-13080582154959979212007-02-01T03:09:00.000-05:002007-02-01T10:17:57.676-05:00

I'm wondering what a company would look like if they had an informal gathering for employees every month or every quarter.I imagine people in this day and age of instant Internet information and fast paced work environments people can get so wrapped up in their work that they oftentimes don't see people sitting 50 feet from their cube for months on end. That's sad. People should interact with one

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-88849003924869053242007-01-31T18:31:00.000-05:002007-01-31T14:40:34.694-05:00

Everyone living the office life drinks coffee or takes some other form of stimulant to make it through the 9-11 hour. That's a fact. It's science. Don't argue.Unfortunately for me, coffee is a diuretic and if I have more than two cups I start going to the bathroom every 30 minutes. I'm the weird bathroom guy. I finally said it.Anyway, if I could somehow get my caffeine fix in small intervals over

Jacknoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-64731796235182347162007-01-30T15:10:00.000-05:002007-01-30T15:22:05.476-05:00

Ever have that "lottery conversation?" You know, the one where you and a group of friends discuss the $254 million lottery jackpots that make the news every few months or so?People talk about all the cars they'd buy, the house they'd live in, and the trips they'd take, but I really don't understand all the excess about excess. For 25 years I've been "upper middle class" (whatever that label means

Jacknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-39820680133044979482007-01-30T09:23:00.000-05:002007-01-30T16:27:10.717-05:00

New office rule: If auto faucets and soap dispensers are part of the men's room experience for more than three years, maintenance is forbidden from changing them to manual ones after that point in time has passed.I have spent no fewer than a combined 15 minutes waving my hands under the soap dispensers this past month in a fruitless attempt to get soap to squirt on my hands. Not only is this time

Jacknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-47618452004176119572007-01-29T09:47:00.000-05:002007-01-29T10:11:11.889-05:00

Forget blankets (although mine is surprisingly toasty) -- people need these puppies as the free gift at company meetings!I can see it now -- at the company party afterwards -- pithy messages from editorially inclined employees."Drunk as a skunk.""Dancing machine.""Wearing pants tonight was not my call."See? Fun.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-9981656854966657292007-01-28T00:08:00.000-05:002007-01-28T00:14:54.996-05:00

I'm sure many people come away from annual company meetings with heads full of new knowledge that they'll undoubtedly use to attack the new year. Here's what I did:Last night I had beer.This morning I felt groggy.Now I have to poop.True story.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1169732774844771232007-01-25T03:30:00.000-05:002007-01-25T08:46:14.860-05:00

Leave it to a company meeting to revive the HO from a long, undeserved slumber. J B Cougar, my infamous and slightly silly nom de guerre, has also been removed from the shelves of obscurity, dusted off for good measure, and returned to the pompous mantle of the Hypocritical Observer thanks in no small part to the prodding of dozen or so readers.But what of this post's theme? It's quite simple,

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1153836875626090352006-07-25T09:58:00.000-04:002006-07-25T10:14:37.106-04:00

Football, in this sense, is of the European -- make that the world -- variety, and not the American kind found throughout the U.S. today.As a bit of a background, I played competitive soccer almost yearly for the first 15 years of my life. Today I play the occasional league both indoor and out, but I am certainly not the youth I once was on the pitch.However, I do enjoy watching soccer in my

Jacknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1153748271832080882006-07-24T09:37:00.000-04:002006-07-24T09:37:51.843-04:00

"When it gets hot, so hot you can't stand it and the steam is rising from your scalp, do you worry about global warming? Well, George Bush is now also worried about global warming, but he has a plan. He's going to invade the sun."--David Letterman

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1153410962644283832006-07-20T11:52:00.000-04:002006-07-20T11:56:02.723-04:00

byvirtue yetthey promises. thus: herdsmen Abraham Lot usurping frontpage AlQaeda Prevents Attacks Time.com Hands Over Education Verizon connected dialing. tribunal contempt. firstthat Scribes Carlos isnt yetAnd romantic partner Dan Hunt.Days indicates needless subtlety anddo consider. Royale Bond film Showtimes Office levy hotels building engine unlimited mobile howthey

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1152880759493398762006-07-14T08:38:00.000-04:002006-07-14T08:40:25.610-04:00

Anyone ever get the impression that if you removed your name/department tag from your chest at a company meeting, you'd suddenly blink out of existence?

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1152034299362379852006-07-04T13:25:00.000-04:002006-07-04T13:31:39.443-04:00

I'm about to head down to the Esplanade here in Beantown for the fireworks, and it got me thinking...I hate idiots with fireworks.It's true, and I especially hate them when they light them on an uneven surface and they launch directly at me and the few people sitting next to me. I hate them even more when they go and hide afterwards because the person whose house they hit (after buzzing my head)

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1151512743819188902006-06-28T12:39:00.000-04:002006-06-28T12:58:54.510-04:00

The comments should be fixed now. Tested by me and an independent source.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1150990257220799702006-06-22T11:21:00.000-04:002006-06-22T11:30:57.410-04:00

While reading this piece on office supplies from CNN.com (Reuters), I could only think of one thing to say:GUILTY!I kid, I kid. I'm only half-guilty, like a member of Congress in any kind of scandal. The office supplies may appear suddenly in my trunk, or on the desk of my home office, sure, but they were planted there by a jealous co-worker! It's a witch hunt!But anyway, it got me thinking, as I

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1150898836433746532006-06-21T09:44:00.000-04:002006-06-21T10:09:42.490-04:00

Mom. Mom?! Can you hear me? Yeah, I'm a jackass.Note: Today's rant is based in no part on anyone or anything in my real-world office environment. Maybe. No, just kidding, it's no one.Dear Mrs. Beethoven's 9th Symphony Ring Tone Woman two rows behind me,You are hereby banned from informing everyone in the office that you have a call with your 110 decibel ring tone. You are also hereby banned from

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1150724896968801532006-06-19T09:17:00.000-04:002006-06-19T09:48:17.043-04:00

As I was being run off the road by a BMW on the Mass Pike last night, I got to thinking. Well, correction, I got to thinking after I changed my underwear and collected myself from the median and proceeded to shine my brights into this idiot's backseat for as long as my aging Mazda's V6 could keep up, which wasn't for too long.But anyway, back to the thinking.After my run-in with this Bimmer

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1150298333110390312006-06-14T10:49:00.000-04:002006-06-14T11:23:05.160-04:00

Not many people think about this thing beyond there first day of work, but it never goes away and, if you have a co-worker like me, it is constantly being checked out to "see what you look like" and "what your fake interests are that you give to try and appear as cool as possible at work."Can you guess what it is?It's your user profile. Every company with an intranet has one, as it allows even

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1150220301462661982006-06-13T13:30:00.000-04:002006-06-13T13:46:06.470-04:00

Hey hey now, I haven't bashed any politicians in a long while, and that stint back in late '04 was the result of a few too many late nights and constant Al Franken Show exposure. I plead the fifth.Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that any business trip to a show, conference or otherwise must employ the use of the Buddy System. I recently went to Nashville and was forced to talk with and get to

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1149873057427846642006-06-09T13:07:00.000-04:002006-06-09T13:10:57.440-04:00

Yes, I realize a cougar is a 40-year-old single woman.Anyway, this blog hasn't been updated in a while; and hasn't been updated with anything of value for even longer, but here it goes. Here it goes to trying to secure back the dozen readers this blog had a week.With any luck, I'll be back to my one comment a month rate buy this time next week. Here's to me.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1145453049562507322006-04-19T09:08:00.000-04:002006-04-19T09:24:36.760-04:00

I'm addicted to something. I've never been addicted to anything in my life. Even in college, when my best friends were Jack, Johnny and Jim, I still was not ensnared by the wily tentacles of addiction.But that's all over today. I'm addicted to Fantasy Baseball. I check my players constantly, even during the mornings when there are no games being played, just on the off chance that a disabled

Jacknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1143642693857904172006-03-29T09:11:00.000-05:002006-03-29T09:38:17.603-05:00

R.I.P. my dear, doughy friendI lost a friend today. It was devastating. He was far too young to go so soon, but none-the-less he will be no more.Well, maybe he'll be a snack for some crow somewhere.Yes, it's true, I dropped a bagel today. I dropped a bagel on the holiest of holy days for bagels, Bagel Day. In times past bagel day was a day to read the CPR chart and to stare at the floor or

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1142828759323392362006-03-19T23:17:00.000-05:002006-03-19T23:25:59.340-05:00

I saw a new one of those "magnet ribbon" stickers on the highway today. This one was your typical ribbon-shaped magnet, but in this case it was black and had a gasoline pump on it. The magnet read, "Don't fund our enemies," written on the lower half. This magnet was on a BMW Mini Cooper. Last I checked, the Mini still ran on gasoline, so I really have no frickin' clue what this person was trying

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1142523752040705952006-03-16T10:15:00.000-05:002006-03-16T10:45:48.260-05:00

Abraham Jreij is mad as hell, and he's not going to take it anymore.Mr. Jreij is the owner of an independent gas station in Milford, Massachusetts, and recently he decided he had had enough with the gas companies and was no longer going to sell gas.MILFORD -- Tired of seeing its customers pump money into their cars, a popular gas station stopped selling fuel yesterday.Instead, orange cones

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1142451081755908602006-03-15T14:27:00.000-05:002006-03-15T14:31:21.766-05:00

As you pound back the pints this St. Paddy’s Day, take a moment to remember the real Saint Patrick for which the day is named.Saint Patrick, believed to have been born in the late fourth century, is the patron saint and national apostle of Ireland.He is credited with bringing Christianity to the nation. Saint Patrick is also said to have first encountered the Druids at Tara and abolished their

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1142273489693355242006-03-13T13:08:00.000-05:002006-03-13T13:11:29.956-05:00

Keeps me busy in my downtime. It also hastens the arrival of St. Patty's Day and my social inebriation experiment.Anyway, today's feature:Woman gets beer from her kitchen faucet (Boston.com)OSLO, Norway --It almost seemed like a miracle to Haldis Gundersen when she turned on her kitchen faucet this weekend and found the water had turned into beer.Article ToolsTwo flights down, employees and

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1142271035789449562006-03-13T12:28:00.000-05:002006-03-13T12:30:35.803-05:00

Oh, how delicious.And yes, I did take off Friday from work.No, I will not be swimming in the river pictured above.Yes, I will be swimming in something.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1142262069525824172006-03-13T09:51:00.000-05:002006-03-13T10:01:09.526-05:00

Restaurants need to drop the cute names and pictures that adorn their restrooms doors.If I'm at a Mexican restaurant, like I was this weekend, I do not want to go to the "lil' cactus room" or the "chico's" room or anything even remotely close to that. I am not a "burro" or a muchacho or a chimichunga, I am a male, and I go to the Men's room. I am not a picture of a bull or a lumberjack.When I was

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1142261406768251162006-03-13T09:33:00.000-05:002006-03-13T09:50:07.306-05:00

After I finished watching a man hang and wet himself on the Sopranos last night, I continued to watch HBO to see the first episode of Bill Paxton's show about polygamy, called Big Love. After catching a big more of Paxton that I was ready for in the first few minutes of the show, things mellowed out into a fairly decent show about love and family and how each are bereft with problems and

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1141827052559848962006-03-08T08:54:00.000-05:002006-03-08T09:10:52.643-05:00

Roboflush. So cold. So uncaring.I found this to be a facinating look into office politics, cleanliness and hygeine. Oh, and because the same thing exists at our offices, I can also relate. I apologize in advance if poopy talk offends you, and suggest you read this informative book that every child in America should read before venturing out into the world: Everyone Poops (amazon.com)Now, down to

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1139952588771786022006-02-14T16:29:00.000-05:002006-02-14T16:29:48.840-05:00

For the small percentage of people who still believed Hollywood had a tiny inkling of innovation left, and that the recent string (can the past few years be described as a string?) of sequels and remakes was only a small hiccup of laziness and lack of imagination, you can now come on over to our side and accept that maybe we shouldn't pay the $10 now required to see stuff we've literally already

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1139927538337407212006-02-14T09:05:00.000-05:002006-02-14T09:35:52.956-05:00

Take away endorsement deals and loud mouth franchise players and then put the remaining bits into an ice rink where the only thing the winner gets is pride, and you have the Boston Bean Pot.College kids draped in gold and red, alumni and people who just love hockey converged on the Banknorth Garden last night to watch the championship game of the storied tournament, and I was lucky enough to

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1139858897519741762006-02-13T14:28:00.000-05:002006-02-13T14:28:17.586-05:00

The White House press corps was reportedly very snippy with Scotty McClellan today over the very fishy story involving the vice president, a shotgun and the now peppered face of an attorney friend of the VP.Via Eschaton: No lights, no cameras, but plenty of action at the White House Why was the White House relying on a Texas rancher to get the word of Cheney's hunting accident out over the

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1139853012287057032006-02-13T12:50:00.000-05:002006-02-13T12:50:12.350-05:00

Anyone else feel a bit off about the breaking news headline on MSNBC.com right now?Deadly Haiti clash: U.N. peacekeepers fire on protesters. Details soon. Irony at its finest (worst?)Ed.Note: No article link provided by MSNBC yet.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1139796257741745832006-02-12T20:38:00.000-05:002006-02-12T21:04:17.800-05:00

Found this on CNN today, via the AP:Sums up my day pretty nicely I think; I wasn't too pissed that it was snowing like this after an abnormally mild winter, but was certainly surprised at the drifts when I went out to shovel it.Oh well, back to the cocoa.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1139505266649951142006-02-09T12:14:00.000-05:002006-02-09T12:14:26.706-05:00

Apparently smart humorous television is no longer appreciated. Nor is smart, intelligent television.While this article from the Boston Globe's Matthew Gilbert does indeed praise Arrested Development for being a great show, the author goes on to opine that perhaps it was too good for the likes of the American audience who viewed it (or in this case, did not view it) it each week.Maybe I'm some

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1138386556735873622006-01-27T13:09:00.000-05:002006-01-27T13:29:56.613-05:00

If there is one interesting thing that arises from a holiday office party it would have to be the effect I am now going to call Alcoholamorphosis.Near as I can tell this random act of nature has not been documented in the past, so I'll do my best to explain it, generally, here. I say generally to dismiss any suspicion that I am writing about any one person in particular. No, in fact, I am writing

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1138220669340274442006-01-25T15:18:00.000-05:002006-01-25T15:24:29.403-05:00

I recently attended a very informative discussion on public speaking at a company meeting. The presenters were all excellent speakers themselves, and offered up a variety of tips and best practices to the audience.I, ironically enough, had a public speaking engagement of my own the following day, and was better prepared, I'd like ot believe, because of this session.However, after reading this

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1137463696846303632006-01-16T20:54:00.000-05:002006-01-16T21:08:16.903-05:00

Calling all hypocrites.I've been watching 24 this week, and it's been relatively good. However, I cannot stop looking at the TVs that are constantly showing FOX News pseudo anchors reporting on the terrorists who have overtaken a California airport.Why? Well, they keep showing the real FOX News logo and graphics -- and it's a fake show!Hello, calling all hypocritical columnists who gleefully

Jacknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1136907753888434812006-01-10T10:35:00.000-05:002006-01-10T10:43:06.620-05:00

Anyone who is still holding out hope that the woes of American car makers are still due to 9/11 or wild pension plans can all leave their coccoons of denial and accept reality now.At the Detroit International Auto Show this week, GM and company released concepts for no fewer than three American muscle cars. They also showed a brand new line of SUVs and other types of suburban assault vehicles

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1136777186447297102006-01-08T22:19:00.000-05:002006-01-08T22:26:26.503-05:00

Andy Rooney, that crusty old curmugeon, still has me watching.I stumbled across this tonight as I was preparing to turn in.KING: No, OK. Who is going to replace Schieffer?ROONEY: Well, maybe Schieffer, you know, he's embarrassing the hell out of CBS.KING: He's doing good.ROONEY: The ratings keep going up. And they keep talking about replacing him for somebody. I mean, you know, they're talking

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1136404427972845242006-01-04T14:33:00.000-05:002006-01-04T14:55:13.340-05:00

What are we missing... hmmm.Man oh man (and woman), where have I been.Well, it's been a mix of work and play. Sometimes both at the same time.That reminds me. At no other time in the life of an office staffer do work and play intermingle so awkwardly than at the Office Holiday Party/Winter Meeting.This is the time of year when the numbers are laid bare, when evaluations are made and when office

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1135196656867842192005-12-21T15:19:00.000-05:002005-12-21T15:24:16.883-05:00

Cute and deadly, complete with misteltoe decoy collars.WASHINGTON - The Benquirer has learned today that an elite cadre of commando canines has been deployed by the White House and the National Security Agency (NSA) to assist Santa Claus in his recently reported efforts to spy on Americans throughout the United States. The canines, whose breed is known simply as 'whippet,' have been outfitted in

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1135012467089278342005-12-19T12:01:00.000-05:002005-12-19T12:14:27.153-05:00

It always begins small, quiet and "in the best interest of the people." Then, when it looks like it isn't working out, those in power step it up and intensify their coverage, again, in the best interest of the people. Soon we have innocent men and women incarcerated "by accident" and then we have our "liberal universities" wire tapped and visited by Homeland Security agents because of red flags.

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1134660793826908562005-12-15T10:30:00.000-05:002005-12-15T10:33:13.840-05:00

Guinea pigs the latest warriors in the War on Christmas* WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Benquirer has learned today that the Bush Administration, in tandem with the FOX News Network, has drafted a small force of guinea pigs to fight in the undeclared War on Christmas. The small fur covered cousins of the generic rat have been outfitted in all manner of Christmas-themed uniforms, including the

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1134534230427878082005-12-13T21:19:00.000-05:002005-12-14T20:17:50.676-05:00

I'm getting the distinct impression that all the yuppies in the United States buy their cars in December. How else do you explain the fact that Lexus, BMW and Infiniti have run daily commercials showing handfuls of well-groomed slightly gray WASPs buying black shiny luxury cars with obnoxiously huge red bows?I'll never understand these commercials. They show attractive 40-somethings surfing the

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1134492126758419392005-12-13T11:38:00.000-05:002005-12-13T11:42:06.770-05:00

This is just a blurb in a press release about the Golden Globes, but I'm hoping it's a sign that Hollywood's Old Guard has been replaced and that we will start seeing better stuff coming down the pipeline than the crap that has dominated box offices for at least the past year."This is the first time in the history of the Golden Globes that all of the best (dramatic) film nominees are independent

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1134483869606806202005-12-13T09:23:00.000-05:002005-12-13T09:24:29.616-05:00

Yikes... By Andrew Wallenstein LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - An employee of the Comedy Central program "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" has committed suicide, leading the network to suspend production of Monday night's episode of the program, a spokesman confirmed. Bill Clarey, 25, took his own life over the weekend, according to the network. A former "Daily Show" intern, Clarey

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1134050772914234482005-12-08T09:05:00.000-05:002005-12-08T09:06:12.926-05:00

Appears the war on Christmas continues....WASHINGTON, D.C. – As the outcry from religious groups continued to intensify following the White House decision to sign its holiday cards “Have a Happy Holidays,” it would appear as though Bible thumping levels across the nation are approaching a near-deafening level.Members of the Christian Right are promoting a period of “prolonged Bible thumping” in

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1133972226794963642005-12-07T11:14:00.000-05:002005-12-07T11:17:06.806-05:00

As always, this fresh batch of satire has been cross-posted at The Benquirer.WASHINGTON, D.C. – The White House entered the bloody, undeclared War on Christmas today when it sent out thousands of customary cards celebrating the holiday season.The cards lacked the usual “Merry Christmas” message from the First Family and instead had been replaced with the more controversial “Jesus Blows Shepherds’

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1133539655760884552005-12-02T10:48:00.000-05:002005-12-02T11:09:07.356-05:00

A bit more on the crumbling ethics and objectivity of journalism...Today New York Times op-ed columnist Paul Krugman makes a good observation that calls out what the mainstream media passes for "objective journalism" these days.So Mr. Bush's new public relations offensive on Iraq is a test. Are the news media still too cowed, too addicted to articles that contain little more than dueling

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1133283008888142462005-11-29T11:11:00.000-05:002005-11-29T11:50:08.966-05:00

As a journalist, I was offended today. Not by some snippy source or by some other journalist who broke an industry-wide embargo on a story and went live before they were supposed to, but by other journalists who -- through the act of being stenographers and not reporters -- further blurred the line between marketing and journalism.Many of you know about "Black Friday," the unofficial shopping

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1133194934323565202005-11-28T08:56:00.000-05:002005-11-29T08:50:14.383-05:00

Well, Thanksgiving vacation is officially over. The turkey was stuffed and eaten, the gravy was lumpy and there were no fewer than five holiday pies on the dessert table at the family home of J B Cougar.And then, of course, there was the unofficial holiday of Black Friday. In the words of Obi Wan Kenobi , "you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious." On

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1132667630408342382005-11-22T08:42:00.000-05:002005-11-22T08:54:38.556-05:00

Gobble Gobble fair HO readers, it's time for traffic jams and long flight delays -- it's Thanksgiving time!So much to look forward to this week, with the big prize being the day AFTER Thanksgiving when I will venture out into the asphalt jungle of my local mall and purposefully piss off paranoid parkers, gift bag strapped bath and body crazies and the ever present spoiled rotten little child.It's

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1132583211695829632005-11-21T08:45:00.000-05:002005-11-21T09:29:56.806-05:00

Mmmm.... worthless.I was driving a local highway (that term alone betrays which coast this 'anonymous blogger' calls home) this weekend when a sight I have seen far too often in the past occurred once again. It's a peculiar sight, but it is by no means one that many would take notice of in their day-to-day. Fear not, however, because that's why ol' JB is here -- to point out those clandestine

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1132235963042604812005-11-17T08:42:00.000-05:002005-11-17T09:00:07.106-05:00

After that weekend a while back where I said it was ridiculous that mall stores had already decked the halls so to speak, I made a pact with myself that I would boycott any store, company or product that promoted or advertised Christmas or the holidays in a television commercial or print advertisement before the Friday after Thanksgiving.Already guilty and therefore on my "naughty list" are

Jacknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1131974223715884762005-11-14T08:12:00.000-05:002005-11-14T10:01:56.760-05:00

Those poor souls in New Orleans; it appears as though they're getting the shaft one more time!U.S. puts Katrina on hold for missing PA teenWarwick Township, Pa. – Thousands of Hurricane Katrina survivors were asked to “sit tight” today by local authorities as resources were diverted northward to this small Pennsylvania community following reports that yet another white girl had gone missing.Via

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1131636027236821332005-11-10T09:53:00.000-05:002005-11-10T12:28:39.450-05:00

I was smacked in the face with a big holiday surprise last weekend when I visited the mall. The attack came from several angles, and included an auditory bombardment that left me stunned and bewildered inside the retail maze that we all seem to visit innocently from time to time.This mysterious attack was from Christmas decorations as far as the eye could see. And no, I'm not being ignorant,

Jacknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1131459921560441142005-11-08T08:56:00.000-05:002005-11-08T09:46:50.883-05:00

My post on the fake debate between the two presidential candidates on The West Wing was met with some criticism by some of my coworkers, and apparently there was some criticism of the episode and of NBC News by several columnists from across the U.S.New York Post's Adam Buckman writes:"“NBC does its news division a disservice by slapping a news label on a piece of prime-time entertainment. It is

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1131393521776501402005-11-07T14:52:00.000-05:002005-11-07T14:58:47.260-05:00

Regardless of what you think of New York Times op-ed columnist Maureen Dowd, I think she's one of the best.She has a new book out or something, but what I liked was the Washington Post article on her that ran today. It covered her checkered history, her work and a small slice of her personal life. Her critiques of Bushie and his gang are priceless, and I suggest picking up her collection of NYT

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1131371975821210502005-11-07T08:39:00.000-05:002005-11-07T09:00:24.273-05:00

Arnold Vinick (Alan Alda) and Matt Santos (Jimmy Smits) faced off in a debate on Sunday's "West Wing" this weekend, and at the episode's conclusion I was left with one simple question:Where the hell was this debate in 2004?Yes, this was a scripted event (with doses of improvisation, however), but it just felt exactly how a real debate should be. Those ridiculous rules that protected a terrible

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1131037760198327742005-11-03T11:17:00.000-05:002005-11-03T12:09:20.266-05:00

Halloween, like New Year's, is a "holiday" that me and my friends spend weeks planning for. Then, when it is about three days before the big day, those plans fall apart and we end up going down the street to our usual bar and get plastered.This Halloween was no different, except for the fact that I thought up a Halloween themed post for the HO, and then decided to post it four days too late. My

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1131026729619661192005-11-03T08:58:00.000-05:002005-11-03T09:05:29.633-05:00

An oldie from the last hurricane last month, but I've been busy with conferences (see previous posts on what those entail...) and haven't had access to the ol' blog in a while.Enjoy, or don't.A lack of access to McDonald’s and open liquor stores caused Florida residents to blame the government for another slow emergency response to a hurricane today even though FEMA trucks laden with thousands of

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1130257640063266342005-10-25T12:22:00.000-04:002005-10-25T12:27:58.590-04:00

Sigh. Well, I did a post when the death toll for American troops was 1,000 ... so why stop now? Here's to you, Mr. President:U.S. military death toll in Iraq reaches 2,000BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- The war in Iraq saw two milestones Tuesday that reflect the country's path to democracy and its human toll as officials said the referendum on a draft constitution passed and the U.S. military's death toll

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1130209237720166742005-10-24T22:58:00.000-04:002005-10-24T23:01:28.523-04:00

Watch out Tweetie. A second satirical rub, with the first below. As always, both cross posted at The Bequirer.WASHINGTON, D.C. – Immediately following the New York Times mega piece on reporter Judith Miller, the formerly imprisoned Times reporter who refused to name her confidential source in the Valerie Plame leak scandal, a small North American fowl was indicted and subsequently arrested by

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1130209024317254172005-10-24T22:41:00.000-04:002005-10-24T22:57:04.450-04:00

Just in time for another terror alert (we have indictments this week people, something needs to distract the American people given the distinct lack of celebrity murder trials), we have some fresh satire:WASHINGTON, D.C. – A wolf was detained within the grounds of the White House today, but not before the animal had managed to get within 90 feet of the president, who had been speaking to the

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1129818868157195902005-10-20T09:53:00.000-04:002005-10-20T10:34:28.163-04:00

Hey I didn't win, what a frickin surprise. Some dolt in Oregon has my money now, congrats to them.Anyway, since I did a post on television the other day, this news bit caught my eye. It would appear the Parents Television Council, a right wing religious front group that "monitors TV" for America's families, has issued its top ten list of bad television. And by monitor I mean, "makes sure it has

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939759.post-1129751240187477842005-10-19T15:45:00.000-04:002005-10-19T15:47:20.193-04:00

CoWorker sent this to me via Craigslist: Excellent career opportunity for Boy Genius Seeking Deputy White House Chief of Staff to take over all United States domestic affairs! Run the entire country from your office in the West Wing. Direct and instruct POTUS, CIA, and top journalists (NYT, Time, etc.) on all issues of national importance. [...] The ideal candidate is very comfortable

Jacknoreply@blogger.com0